God Paged Me, pt. 4

.."I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen"- Barlow Girl 'Never Alone'

This has been a twisted road. I feel things compelling me to put comprimises on that which I tell myself I cannot. Things that are pulling my towards that which is not good. Correction: In THIS time, it is not. Later down the road yes. Not right now. I had a big rant last night about things, how unfair life was, why good people seem to suffer alot. I sat there in tears, and anger and sorrow and pain and brief moments of ending things to get away from pain for good flashed by. This morning, I awoke feeling like crap. I am hurting. It is hurt because of how i am different, and many don't seem to understand why. They are so set in their patterns that anything different is not good. I am so feeling like Job right now! He ahd a 20 odd chapter rant about how unfair things were, but in the end rememebred that all things come from God, and for a reason. Love DOES exisit. Jesus loved all he knew even those who were driving nails into his hands. "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34) I mean seriously? He prayed for those who were driving nine inch spikes into His arms, and felt nothing but love for them. I am so reminded by the song lyrics above about that. God is with me, even when no one else is.

It has been quite some time. I honestly forgot about it. No one reads this anyway though, so I am not sure why i add more posts.

ER Visits=Amazign Oppurtunites

Ok for those who don't know- Last Friday/early Saturday I was experieancing major tingles and mumb type sensations all over, a lot in my feet, and alo in my hands and elswhere. Saturday I left work early, and Sunday just spent laying around and resting. Monday they came back, but Tuesday evening it wasn't too bad. Wednesday (last night, the 9th) was NOT the case. I was standing in worship, and suddenly a wave overcame me, and I went to the foyer, and nearly fainted. After getting outside, I was starting to feel a little better, but still not good. It was decided that i needed to eat, and when our crew went to the resturant I was (as andy put it) "swooning", and he and Josh had me sit. At the table, I was kinda in and out, and was spacing out something firece. (The waitress was asking me a question three times before I knew something was being said to me). Andy and Josh porceeded to take me up to the ER, as they felt it was in my best interests. Once there, I was given some medicine that styarted with an "A", I am not sure what it was (but man was it niiiiiice...) and I am being wheeled in for a CAT Scan, I was talking to the dude taking me in. And yet even with all my ordea;, I somehow ended up on the subject of God. And then proceeded to talk to him about Skull Church, and just God in general. And yet, in the middle of ll that I am dealing with, why is it that was what I could focus on? There is always oopurtunites. Even in our worst circumstyances, you never know how much your talk to someone can impact someone else. 
Don't worry, I am fine btw. No life threatning I may just have to live with anxiety issues for my life. Ciao!

Through Glass

This is purely a retrospecitve blog. I have been looking back at the last nine months and realizing this one fact.

I am someone new this year, moreso than ever before. I started this year engaged. I was trashed and dumped less than two months afterwards. I have grown into a person who really doesn't care anymore, in that I have given all my worries to God. I really don't worry about anything anymore. And I have really stopped caring what others think. If yo don't like me cause I dress in a gothic sense, and thats how my mind is? Well thats your deal not mine.  I am aslo growing in my faith and learning to place my trust in Him, and I like thre results. The other big revelation is I am on the cusp of a two month anniversary with my girlfriend Criss. She is quite possibly, the best girl I ever met, a strong willed, strong in faith woman.  She and ia re so similar and yet different. I am so excited to visit her this fall (she happens to live over in Germany currently, and we were friends for three years befoorehand, she was born here in MT). I cannot get over the fact that right now, with all the trials i have at home and whatnot, I stil wouldn't trade it for anything. We are placed trials that we overcome them and grow, so whyh would you only praise God for the good? You take the good and the bad, both are from the Lord, and you need them both, otherwise you will never grow.

And now for the news for parrots

Yes. So the last few weeks have held a few new developments. I am in a relationship now, with my very good friend Criss. (for those who already thought we had been dating, it was official on the 9th of July.)
Planning a trip to visit on Halloween. That will be awesome. Hours are picking up at the bookstore, and we are opening a new bargain store, which is awesome (increase in hours that be)
I am all in all, very pleased about things right now.....save for one thing.
I am trying to focus on reading the Word more. That's about the biggest issue. I dig into it now and again but need to make it a daily habit. Silly me.

The past few weeks

On the note of "Revenge of the Fallen":
OMG IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!
The only real problem I had was hearing a lot of 'bots cuss up a blue streak. And I know some people hated the Twins, but personally, i liked them, and thought it was soo cool that they had more personality this go around IE: Starscream was the sniveling little usurper again, how Bumbleebee was more into truly protecting Sam in ALL aspects of life (the car scene anyone?) Although what with the major plot thing that i cannot divulge concerning Peter Cullen I was all teared up. Admit that. I knew it couldn't last, but still....
Oh yes, multiple viewing are on order here.
And not enough Arcee. I was soo stoked to see Arcee, and she never gets anything. And ravage.....ahhhhh grand!!!
Ok, on the note of life right now:
it is grand actually., been picking up a lot more hours, and just truly enjoying things. Just really for the first time, letting go of the reins and letting God take the wheel. Man is it releving.
AS FOR MICHEAL AND FAWCET: Ok fawcet was ill, but still sad in the same way the Jackson's is. He may have been a wee bit odd, but, he was a father, and now those children are without him. Which begs the question: When YOU die, whiat will yuo say to YOUR father? The one who created you? I know that this was posted on some other peoples things, but it is a very good question, and it shoud make you think a moment or two.

Some thoughts.

Ok. I just feel like writing. I am having a bit of a creative fit, and have been drawing and writing again. I love the this splurge of creativity. and can't wait to see what will come of it. I love that I have been given this wonderful gift, and I am using this to really just do something that I haven't in a while, like watercolor, ink, things like that. I have found that in the last couple moths, a lot has happened. I lost friends, I was used by people, I was ran through the ringer. I am so happy to see that God has put me through these trials, so that I may grow stronger through them, and that I have been given wisdom to see what is better for me.