Back many years ago I walked into an old building that had been a movie theatre and was now a church. I was a depressed, suicidal pessimist whom had grown tired of life, who hated himself, and didn't think I mattered. There was no Clarence to come and show me how things would be different were I gone, and I certainly was no Jimmy Stewart. I was at the bottom of the barrel, ready to throw in the towel.Then I went into a simple building and walked out later that night as a new person. I must admit, that back when i first walked in, I had no idea that everything in my life had led to this point. I now see how everything worked into this moment, and how God is so amazing, and had a plan for all aspects of my life. It has not been easy. There have been times where I wanted to run away and yet, did not. There have been times where I doubted it, but still believed heart and soul. I have seen prayer answered, I have been apart of things that were life changing for many, and had it not been for that Wednesday night, i would be dead. Dead, separated from God for all eternity I felt it was right to update my story from the last time I posted it, and share it again. Someone may read this, and who knows, it could impact them in ways I will never know. So, here now 6 years later, I present you my crash course with Jesus.
Back in the summer of 2007, I entered a relationship with a girl(who I
will not name) and well, I felt the world was my oyster. I had nursed an interest in the occult and read about Alister Crowley and several prominent wiccan and occult leaders, from musing by Anton Lavey and such, to the Necronomicon, and many other things all through high school, and afterwards it grew more intense, and even participated in a ceremony
or two. I already amassed a hefty
collection of books and whatnot. As it started to grow more serious, I
remember telling my closest friend that I felt that was my path. He told
me, and I quote:
"Be careful dude. I know someone did the same thing, and bad stuff started happening left and right."
I
paid no mind to him. In September of that year, a friend was killed in a
car wreck. She was on her way to start college. One month later, my
great-uncle. Car wreck. I started to feel like something was wrong. I
started having intrusive thoughts, worse than any previously had. My
girlfriend lived in another city as she was in college, and I wanted her
there, to comfort me, and soon after went up to visit her. When I was
there, things happened that I really am not sure why. Things that I
don't feel like posting, as they are personal. I came back to find my
friend Paul was dead. Car wreck.
I started to feel like life wasn't
worth it. I was losing people everywhere it seemed. I started to think
that my relationship was deteriorating into something I didn't want. And
on top of it all, I could actually feel something in my apartment.
Almost like, a dark presence. I bagged all the occult items I had and
kept in it a corner of my apartment. By the time December rolled around I
was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was no longer interested
in the girl I was dating, she didn't seem to have any interest given the
lack of communication from her. I was drifting, and not really caring
about anything. Life was wasted on me, I felt. I really felt that my
existence was arbitrary, and really served no purpose. When the new year
came, I sure didn't care. I mean, as far as I was concerned, I no
longer had any relationship. We officially broke up on the 15th of that
month, but as far as I was concerned, it was over in December. I was
wondering why I was here. Then, I came to a choice. It was something
that stuck out from "The Shawshank Redemption" which is one of my
favorite movies.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying."
I decided that I wasn't ready to die. There had to be something else to life. So, I decided to try something.
Religion.
As
it happens, the old movie theatre was now a meeting place for a new
church, calling themselves Fresh Life. I felt, well, there surely is no
harm in that. Why not?
I went in there, and was kind of nervous. I
never really believed in God, nor did I truly deny Him. grew up in a scientific mindset, and all through school never would call myself a Christian, didn't attend church went to a few with some family on my dads side, but never walked it, although not being into partying and drinking I had people tell me they though I was . I always felt,
if I can see it touch it, then it is real. I went with a friend we took
two seats on the side, and then I went exploring. I met a guy who
introduced himself as Erin.
"What is this all about?" I asked him.
"Sit
down, and you will see" he said. As the music started, I kinda dug the
beat, but really mumbled the words. Then a young man, who looked not
much older than me or my friend, got up and started talking. I soon
found, for some reason, I was listening intently. And then, something
funny happened.
I nudged my pal and asked, "Did he just make a Star Wars reference?"
"Yeah, he did." he replied.
I soon found I couldn't not pay attention. Something in me said, "this is right."
As
he ended the message, I felt a very emotional thing happen. With the
music, I almost was in tears, and I never felt like that before. To me,
when I was in church, it always was some guy saying some words. An old large man, in a suit and tie where you had to dress similar, monotonous sounding singing, boring as all get out. A lecture somewhat similar to one from a school teacher and almost as lively. This was
different. Erin comes down, and asks how I felt about it.
"I..Jus....wha..."
I was literally speechless. Any who know me, knows that is very rare
indeed. When I tried to talk, only tears came forth, and I asked to meet
the pastor. He introduced himself as Levi, and I found myself once
again unable to really talk. I stood in the foyer,and asked him "How do you do this Jesus thing?" Levi then told me, it was simple you say this prayer, mean it in your heart, and live it.
I gave my life to Jesus one minute later.
Returning to my apartment, I went to the corner where that bag was. I got it, and threw it all in the dumpster.
It has been six years since that fateful night. I now live in Billings MT helping with what is the 4th Fresh Life campus. I now serve in the kids ministry which is something I never thought I would do. I am married now, with a wonderful wife who serves alongside me, and pushes me to strive even further with my walk in the faith. I now see how I do not need religion to be my saviour. My saviour was a man who was also God.. He saved me. Someone so pathetic, but someone. Not
nothing, a person. Do I still make mistakes? Yes. Is life any easier? No.
But I have the most awesome force behind
me, to help me up when I fall. To give me strength when I feel weak. To
love me unconditionally when everyone else abandons me.
I suggest you meet Him too.
If in reading this, you felt God move on your heart, do not fight Him! he has the best in store for you! Click this link here and you can meet your maker face to face liek i did, and you will never regret it.
