Not Sure

hm. just a typing away.
not sure.
where to go.
what to do.
where to be
when to leave
what should i do?

friends seem to leave more quickly then anything else.
I just don't know anymore.


Gunning Down Romance

Love and other moments are just chemical reactions in your brain
In your brain
And feelings of aggression are the absence of the love drug in
Your veins, in your veins
Love come quickly
Because I feel my self-esteem is caving in
It's on the brink
Love come quickly
Because I don't think I can keep this monster in
It's in my skin

Love and other socially acceptable emotions are morphine
They're morphine
Cleverly concealing primal urges often felt but rarely seen
Rarely seen
Love I beg you
Lift me up into that privileged point of view
The world of two
Love don't leave me
Because I console myself that HallmarkT cards are true
I really do

I'm gunning down romance
It never did a thing for me
But heartache and misery
Ain't nothing but a tragedy

Love don't leave me

Take these broken wings
I'm going to take these broken wings
And learn to fly
And learn to fly away
And learn to fly away

I'm gunning down romance

This is my new fave song by Savage Garden. It is so amazing. And yet...so heart breakingly true in my mind, when you break down the essence of your feelings, they are simply naught but a reaction in the mind.


We Gotta Problem

I am mad. Mad at myself for letting myself get swept up in stupid emotions
mad at the fact that I can't do anything about your decisions, and that there are different things going around. Mad about how this transpired. Mad about The way you waited. You told me if there were any hesitations to bring them up, many times before. I guess that didn't apply to you, seeing as you had some apparently and never voiced them until there was a breaking point. I figure that you were just biding time. I guess that my emotions made it easier to facilitate this farce, cause hey, if one of them actually does feel that way, all the easier to feed off of. How could you say you loved me? You never did in my mind as you ended it and wanted me to move on. How could you hold me so softly, while bearing thorns in your mind? How could you do this? What went through your mind? And I guess that I was just the collateral damage in all this, because you seem to have gotten over this and are just being yourself. But who are you, really? Going by a different name depending on where and who you were with, and which one of you did I meet? Which one of you cared for me? What happened? I still don't know, I was never really given a straight answer.

I guess that I am just venting. I don't know, last night I just wasn't happy. I have times where I go like that, and can be just fine, then drop to the dpeths again. I hate this, and cannot wait until it is over with.



All right.
I am no longer engaged.
For that matter I am not in any kind of relationship.
She ended it. Flat out. She did, and I wanted to try and work it out. But she would have none of it. Over and done.
Do I regret it?
No. I regret some of the decisions, but the thing as a whole was supposed to happen.
There is a lesson to be learned here, and yeah it hurts. I am entitled to hurt right now.
Will I get over it?
Eventually. Could be a few weeks, a few months but sooner or later I will.
Is this the end of the world?
No it is not.
I feel like I was drifting from my Father, and I need to get back to Him.
I should not have to alter my life for someone else. If they do not like who I am, then that is their issue.
And I shall pick up the pieces, dust off my shoulders, and get back on course.