You're the fire
That warms me when i'm cold
You're the hand
I have to hold as I grow old
You're the shore
When I am lost at sea
You're the only thing
That I like about me

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you


Holidays and hope

I near the one year anniversary of my acceptance of Jesus. It really makes me think about things. Things that I had, and things I want, and things I don't have. It also makes me think of where I was at this point last year, where honestly I didn't think life was worth living anymore. I used to think that church, and Christianity in general was weird. Now I can't picture my life without the church, and those I have gotten to know through it, and those I now know better than before because of it. I mean that. I cannot see how I functioned without God and the church before. It has only been less than 1 year, but so much has happened to me and my life that it feels like a lifetime. It is Christmas day. And I see how my family has no clue what it really means, and I tried to get them to. But, they don't come. I have tried to get them to come with me to church since I started, and nothing. But I will continue to try.
And another thing-it is weird how you can meet someone that before you never knew, and suddenly, they become someone you can;t wait to talk to, when they text you, it just makes you feel special, because they want to talk to YOU, and how that you both can transcend fears of the unknown with each other to really show them who you are. They show intrest in what makes you you, and vice-versa. Just.....interesting...
This turned out much longer than intended, so I am signing off.
Happy holidays, and may God bless you in the next year.


Salvation-Metal style!

What if I'm wrong,
I've been deceived all along
What if I'm wrong

What have I done
Did I waste a life just for fun
What have I done

What did I do
I did what voices told me to
What did I do

Where will I go
Will I sink through fire down below
Where will I go

Any chance of salvation
Any chance for me
Any chance of salvation for eternity
Any chance of salvation
Someone died for me
Washed in blood he cared enough to pity me

Why do I care
What's wrong with me, my hate is gone
Why do I care

When did I change
What's different now, it's very strange
When did I change

Any chance of salvation
Any chance for me
Any chance of salvation for eternity
Any chance of salvation
Someone died for me
Washed in blood he cared enough to pity me

In my heart
In my soul
Something's new, that's very old
Like a pain that's finally gone
I feel my heavy burden lifted

Any chance of salvation
Any chance for me
Any chance of salvation

Any chance of salvation
Any chance for me
Any chance of salvation for eternity x3

Sal-va-tion x4
This is from Alice Cooper's newest album "Along Came A Spider". It has become one of my fave worship tunes. It isn't traditional worship music per se, but when have I really been traditional?



And here is the holiday time. I am sitting here, watching "Fantastic Four", eating pizza and and just enjoying a full day off of no obligations whatsoever. Very fun times. Last night I went to a Christmas party with some friends. And it just really made me think of what this season is really about..I had more fun watching movies and playing Guitar Hero III than the gift giving or anything like that. Most people don't really remember what the season TRULY means. I want to put the Christ back in Christmas. Most people seem to have left him out.




why, oh why can't anyone think of their own movies!!!?
This is true remake blasphemy. This film along with the likes of Citizen Kane, Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind etc is one that should NEVER be remade. If you haven't seen the original do it. it is a beautifully shot, Gothic romantic tale of true love, and that it never can die.



But good granny it's cold!
Even for me, and I usually don't get affected by this. Ah well. As I sit and totally procrastinate on my papers, I realized something:
I don't think I want to be at college. I want to make something of myself, but do I really? Am I just letting my ego try to get the better of myself; do I really want to do this? During the few weeks I wasn't attending FVCC this semester, I did feel better about things, and here, I am not enjoying myself and all that God has given me. It might just be the school, but I dunno, I sure didn't care for high school much either....And I want it to warm to the point of making snowballs. That is not too much to ask I think.



So I talked to the college people. I didn't expect them to be so...supportive with me. They want naught but to help me, and I never really got much in the way of support from many people. i am finishing this semester (don't know how I am) and take next semester to pay off this one (REALLY don't know how I am gonna do that!)
And I am trying to figure out my own life. As I sit on the cusp of a new year, I am trying to figure what I need, what I want, and what i don't need.
What I need is to be more focused in my walk with the Lord, and to be more dilligent in my studies OUTSIDE the church.
What I want is a relationship with someone who can share my faith, and strengthen it, not bring it down, and who is comfortable with how I am.
What I don't need is things that bring me farther from the God I love.
Things like physicallity in relationships, music or movies or anything like that that is degrading or depraved, and more important than anything, relationships of any kind with people who lead me astray from the path.
Let's see what the new year brings.



So...I had decided to not attend the college a few weeks ago, and today my advisor and a teacher both called me within five minutes of each other. I am going to meet up with my advisor tomorrow and, yeah nervous.
From once, I am actually nervous.
I usually don't get like that, but tonight I am. I do not like the idea of doing this, but at least for the next two weeks, will be there, spectacularly failing the classes; mainly because they won't let me stop going.
I really do not like it this, and I am so unsure about it.


You Opened My Eyes

God never fails to astound me with how much He loves me.
I am always want to know what else I can do to live up to His expectations, and also struggle with the concept that I will always fall short, as I am human, and prone to stumbling. However, I know He is there to help my dust off my shoulders, and through people here on earth and The Holy Spirit, I am marching onward, into marvelous light I'm running!


young at heart

Ok. I am such a little kid at heart. I just bought a new lightsaber from Wal-Mart. It was only ten bucks.
But it is sooooo fun.
It has an excellent balance, and feel, easy to use one handed (all the better to duel wield with...) or two handed styles. The blade glows well, and the sounds are just awesome.
Yeah. A serious geek watches for such things when selecting his lightsaber. Soon, pics shall be up!


Giving Thanks

Today, we all will gather with family, consume massive amounts of food and lay around complaining "Oh...I ate the world..." (well, maybe my mum will..) As Levi pointed out last night in service, we seem to have forgotten what this day is REALLY about. So I am putting here a prayer of thanksgiving.

God, I am thankful for you.
I am thankful for the changes you have brought in my life.
I am thankful for Fresh Life, and all those I now consider friends and family there, and for all that you do through them.
I am thankful for those who are close to me, family or otherwise.
I most thankful for Your sacrifice. Thank you for taking my sin and allowing me everlasting life.
In Jesus name, amen.

Everyone have a safe and happy holiday, and don't forget why we are doing this!


Life Burns!

Ok..I have become completely, utterly, and hopelessly addicted to Apocalyptica. This band is sheer amazement. Check them out....

"Wie Weit" feat. Marta

"Bittersweet" feat. Ville Vallo and Lauri Ylonen





This story is one I feel like sharing with any who care to read. It will be long, so proceed at your own pleasure. It is the story of how I came to know God, and the reasons behind my actions since then.

Back in the summer of 2007, I entered a relationship with a girl(who I will not name) and well, I felt the world was my oyster. I started following her belief in Wicca stuff, and even participated in a ceremony or two. I already had an interest in occult stuff, and amassed a hefty collection of books and whatnot. As it started to grow more serious, I remember telling my closest friend that I felt that was my path. He told me, and I quote:
"Be careful dude. I know someone did the same thing, and bad stuff started happening left and right."
I paid no mind to him. In September of that year, a friend was killed in a car wreck. She was on her way to start college. One month later, my great-uncle. Car wreck. I started to feel like something was wrong. I started having intrusive thoughts, worse than any previously had. My girlfriend lived in another city as she was in college, and I wanted her there, o comfort me, and soon after went up to visit her. When I was there, things happened that I really am not sure why. Things that I don't feel like posting, as they are personal. I came back to find my friend Paul was dead. Car wreck.
I started to feel like life wasn't worth it. I was losing people everywhere it seemed. I started to think that my relationship was deteriorating into something I didn't want. And on top of it all, I could actually feel something in my apartment. Almost like, a dark presence. I bagged all the occult items I had and kept in it a corner of my apartment. By the time December rolled around I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was no longer interested in the girl I was dating, she didn't seem to have any interest given the lack of communication from her. I was drifting, and not really caring about anything. Life was wasted on me, I felt. I really felt that my existence was arbitrary, and really served no purpose. When the new year came, I sure didn't care. I mean, as far as I was concerned, I no longer had any relationship. We officially broke up on the 15th of that month, but as far as I was concerned, it was over in December.
I was wondering why I was here. Then, I came to a choice. It was something that stuck out from "The Shawshank Redemption" which is one of my favorite movies.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying."

I decided that I wasn't ready to die. There had to be something else to life. So, I decided to try something.
As it happens, the old movie theatre was now a meeting place for a new church, calling themselves Fresh Life. I felt, well, there surely is no harm in that. Why not?
I went in there, and was kind of nervous. I never really believed in God, nor did I truly deny Him. I always felt, if I can see it touch it, then it is real. I went with a friend we took two seats on the side, and then I went exploring. I met a guy who introduced himself as Erin.
"What is this all about?" I asked him.
"Sit down, and you will see" he said. As the music started, I kinda dug the beat, but really mumbled the words. Then a young man, who looked not much older than me or my friend, got up and started talking. I soon found, for some reason, I was listening intently. And then, something funny happened.
I nudged my pal and asked, "Did he just make a Star Wars reference?"
"Yeah, he did." he replied.
I soon found I couldn't not pay attention. Something in me said, "this is right."
As he ended the message, I felt a very emotional thing happen. With the music, I almost was in tears, and I never felt like that before. To me, when I was in church, it always was some guy saying some words. This was different. Erin comes down, and asks how I felt about it.
"I..Jus....wha..." I was literally speechless. Any who know me, knows that is very rare indeed. When I tried to talk, only tears came forth, and I asked to meet the pastor. He introduced himself as Levi, and I found myself once again unable to really talk.
I gave my life to Jesus one minute later.
Returning to my apartment, I went to the corner where that bag was. I got it, and threw it all in the dumpster.
I have since gotten rid of over six hundred dollars worth of music, movies books and other items I feel are only going to hold me back. It has been nearly a year since that night. I am still unsure of what moved me that night, but it was something I embrace fully. My life is in the hands of God. He saved me. Someone so pathetic, but someone. Not nothing, a person. My life is for Him, and I am not looking back, and not holding back. Do I still slip up? Yes. Do I still make mistakes, Yes. Is life any easier? No.
But I have the most awesome force behind me, to help me up when I fall. To give me strength when I feel weak. To love me unconditionally when everyone else abandons me.
I suggest you meet Him too.


God Paged Me, Pts. 1 & 2.

Pt. 1
Jesus Lord of Heaven, I do not deserve the grace You have given
But still I get it. Every day, a new supply. My slate is clean, and you take it all. You did not need to but chose to. I feel You God, alot. The warmth you give me is greater than any fire or blanket man can make, and I am never unamazed that you saved me. All I had to do is ask.

And there is a darkness, deep into my soul, still has a purpose to serve
And that is just how I am. You made me that way, drawn by nature to that which is dark. I can use this darkness within, use it to bring those who never would come to You, to You. That is what I mean to do with it. Who better to serve God than the least likely to be embracing Him?

I feel determined. More than that actually. This is what i am to do. My Great Comission. I am something, not nothing. I WILL NOT let myself decay.


Wow. I cannot believe this. That I could have gone this way, a year ago, I woulda called y'all crazy for suggesting it. I was allowing things to stay with me, when I wrote Pt. 1 a few weeks back. On the first Saturday service at Fresh Life, I sat there, going over in my head 'silly boy, you done forgot your Bible. How you gonna take notes without your book?' Well I realized that when I sat down to hear the message, I actually just listened. It was so amazing. I saw why I didn't have my Bible. I was meant to hear what was going on. It made me really think of what I was like. What i liked in the way of music, and movies and things. I then went home after service, and got rid of some things, things I an willing to bet that those what know me would not expect me to get rid of. My Manson cds, shirts anything to do with him. A few dvds. Posters. Things that amounted to near 300 bucks worth. It was something I did. Compelled only by God Himself. Things that were holding me back, keeping me from really walking with Him, and therefore, was not something I wanted. If any who know me well wants to call me on it, do so. If you want to call me a hypocrite (which I for all intents and purposes, was for calling a friend for doing something similar, and we have reconciled over it) go ahead. I don't care what you think of my actions, for I know they were motivated by God and the right way to go. As stated in pt. 1, I am something, not nothing. I WILL NOT let myself decay.



Yesterday at church was so AMAZING!!!!! The power of the Spirit was there, and it was one of the best experiences ever. Nothing made by man comes close to that feeling.
Yeah. On my way to Veritas. Thinking bout someone. Can't wait for Halloween. See y'all!


A new time

So, a new blog. I will give a link to my old one, should it be requested. However, I decided to get this one because at my ol LJ, there didn't seem to be any real activity. It was always one or two people, just posting inane videos. So whee!