You're the fire
That warms me when i'm cold
You're the hand
I have to hold as I grow old
You're the shore
When I am lost at sea
You're the only thing
That I like about me

And in this world
Where nothing else is true
Here I am
Still tangled up in you
I'm still tangled up in you


Holidays and hope

I near the one year anniversary of my acceptance of Jesus. It really makes me think about things. Things that I had, and things I want, and things I don't have. It also makes me think of where I was at this point last year, where honestly I didn't think life was worth living anymore. I used to think that church, and Christianity in general was weird. Now I can't picture my life without the church, and those I have gotten to know through it, and those I now know better than before because of it. I mean that. I cannot see how I functioned without God and the church before. It has only been less than 1 year, but so much has happened to me and my life that it feels like a lifetime. It is Christmas day. And I see how my family has no clue what it really means, and I tried to get them to. But, they don't come. I have tried to get them to come with me to church since I started, and nothing. But I will continue to try.
And another thing-it is weird how you can meet someone that before you never knew, and suddenly, they become someone you can;t wait to talk to, when they text you, it just makes you feel special, because they want to talk to YOU, and how that you both can transcend fears of the unknown with each other to really show them who you are. They show intrest in what makes you you, and vice-versa. Just.....interesting...
This turned out much longer than intended, so I am signing off.
Happy holidays, and may God bless you in the next year.


Salvation-Metal style!

What if I'm wrong,
I've been deceived all along
What if I'm wrong

What have I done
Did I waste a life just for fun
What have I done

What did I do
I did what voices told me to
What did I do

Where will I go
Will I sink through fire down below
Where will I go

Any chance of salvation
Any chance for me
Any chance of salvation for eternity
Any chance of salvation
Someone died for me
Washed in blood he cared enough to pity me

Why do I care
What's wrong with me, my hate is gone
Why do I care

When did I change
What's different now, it's very strange
When did I change

Any chance of salvation
Any chance for me
Any chance of salvation for eternity
Any chance of salvation
Someone died for me
Washed in blood he cared enough to pity me

In my heart
In my soul
Something's new, that's very old
Like a pain that's finally gone
I feel my heavy burden lifted

Any chance of salvation
Any chance for me
Any chance of salvation

Any chance of salvation
Any chance for me
Any chance of salvation for eternity x3

Sal-va-tion x4
This is from Alice Cooper's newest album "Along Came A Spider". It has become one of my fave worship tunes. It isn't traditional worship music per se, but when have I really been traditional?



And here is the holiday time. I am sitting here, watching "Fantastic Four", eating pizza and and just enjoying a full day off of no obligations whatsoever. Very fun times. Last night I went to a Christmas party with some friends. And it just really made me think of what this season is really about..I had more fun watching movies and playing Guitar Hero III than the gift giving or anything like that. Most people don't really remember what the season TRULY means. I want to put the Christ back in Christmas. Most people seem to have left him out.




why, oh why can't anyone think of their own movies!!!?
This is true remake blasphemy. This film along with the likes of Citizen Kane, Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind etc is one that should NEVER be remade. If you haven't seen the original do it. it is a beautifully shot, Gothic romantic tale of true love, and that it never can die.



But good granny it's cold!
Even for me, and I usually don't get affected by this. Ah well. As I sit and totally procrastinate on my papers, I realized something:
I don't think I want to be at college. I want to make something of myself, but do I really? Am I just letting my ego try to get the better of myself; do I really want to do this? During the few weeks I wasn't attending FVCC this semester, I did feel better about things, and here, I am not enjoying myself and all that God has given me. It might just be the school, but I dunno, I sure didn't care for high school much either....And I want it to warm to the point of making snowballs. That is not too much to ask I think.



So I talked to the college people. I didn't expect them to be so...supportive with me. They want naught but to help me, and I never really got much in the way of support from many people. i am finishing this semester (don't know how I am) and take next semester to pay off this one (REALLY don't know how I am gonna do that!)
And I am trying to figure out my own life. As I sit on the cusp of a new year, I am trying to figure what I need, what I want, and what i don't need.
What I need is to be more focused in my walk with the Lord, and to be more dilligent in my studies OUTSIDE the church.
What I want is a relationship with someone who can share my faith, and strengthen it, not bring it down, and who is comfortable with how I am.
What I don't need is things that bring me farther from the God I love.
Things like physicallity in relationships, music or movies or anything like that that is degrading or depraved, and more important than anything, relationships of any kind with people who lead me astray from the path.
Let's see what the new year brings.



So...I had decided to not attend the college a few weeks ago, and today my advisor and a teacher both called me within five minutes of each other. I am going to meet up with my advisor tomorrow and, yeah nervous.
From once, I am actually nervous.
I usually don't get like that, but tonight I am. I do not like the idea of doing this, but at least for the next two weeks, will be there, spectacularly failing the classes; mainly because they won't let me stop going.
I really do not like it this, and I am so unsure about it.


You Opened My Eyes

God never fails to astound me with how much He loves me.
I am always want to know what else I can do to live up to His expectations, and also struggle with the concept that I will always fall short, as I am human, and prone to stumbling. However, I know He is there to help my dust off my shoulders, and through people here on earth and The Holy Spirit, I am marching onward, into marvelous light I'm running!