I am sure of this.

Allright. Read in its entirety before thinking about what you are goin to say.
If you have the need to comment, please send me a message in private as opposed to a public comment.

After thinking on, and discussing with both her and my family, it has been decided to do the legal aspect of the marriage. I will not be able to be insured through my mother as I had been whence this happens, and I need it due to my medical stuff. I can get it through work in a month, and through her work possibly, we aren't sure. We are still planning on an actual ceremony on the 6th of January 2010. It will be a celebration for our marriage, and we will do the religous aspects of the wedding there. I know some people who might be angered by this desicion, but this will show who my true friends are. One is already to be there at this, and is super happy. My family is behind it. I appreciate all your thoughts on this, but this is MY life. I know that this is what I want. I haven't forsaken God. I feel that this is right. So does she. We still want God to be a big part of our lives, and He will. We will just be sharing our lives with each other, from now on.

Epiphany

I don't know.
If given the chance, would I do it tomorrow?
I feel so clouded by emotion right now.
I love her so much
I know I want to spend my life with her
and I also know what may beliefs are.
Hence my dilemma.
I don't know what to do.
Please: If anyone who read this would, please pray for us, for her and for me.
Pray for us to have clear heads about this, that we do not do something rash.
I simply feel so confused and conflicted that I feel sick, literally ill.
And God, I want to do the right thing.


...I just wish I knew what the right thing is.

Need to get this out there

just writing
I am scared. Scared in the sense that I am unsure, not actual fear. This is a lot to deal with. Planning this wedding is so much, there is a lot that I am having to do, I need more money for the future. I need a car. And while I am at it, a license for said car would be a good idea. I need to get in a better eating style. I need to start looking at the big picture. I need to learn who my soon to be wife is like behind everything I see ( meaning I need to just spend time with her and learn who she is). I need to pay off a 1,200 school payment, make my phone bill each month AND save for honeymoon/wedding.
But above all else, I MUST trust in God.
I CAN do this, and I cannot forget that He will never forget me.

One

Well, it is official. Everyone is so supportive, and only a few have had some not quite negative, albeit not positive things to say, it is really happening. When I say negative, all I am saying is that they were not jumping for joy per se. Those who were like that pretty much well came around whence explained everything that needed to be. I seriously cannot explain this, other than I know that God brought us together, and will be there to hold us up when the times get rough, and we will stay strong. I love her with all that I am, and really, if I couldn't be with her, I would rather be alone. There is no one like her anywhere, everything she is is what I could want in a partner. I am so excited, and cannot wait till the day I say "I do" and we suddenly become.....one.

Right Here In My Arms

I know what you will say
Too young.
Don't know what you are getting into
You are not prepared.
You are not financially set
You don't know each other.

We say
We know it won't be easy.
We know that it seems crazy
We wouldn't have it any other way.
We understand what we are getting into.

One year

One year ago yesterday, I was close to giving up entirely.

One year ago, I never thought I would find someone like I have now.
One year ago, I couldn't imagine that I would have given up all that I have.
One year ago, I never thought that I would have made the friends I have made.
One year ago, I never thought that I would be at home again.
One year ago, I never thought I would be back at college.
One year ago, I would never have believed that I could have found the peace and inner joy that I have.

One year ago today, I gave myself to God.
One year ago today, I rejected the "pleasures" of this world.
One year ago today, I made a life altering choice.
I wouldn't take this years worth of decisions back. I really do not know how I functioned without God in my life. As I enter a new year, and a new point in my life, I am more excited about it than ever before.

Whoooooot!

Brr...I know. Me. Saying it is cold.
Tonight was so amazing. I have the most incredible woman in my life now, and tonight she truly gave herself up to God. She was the only one to stand and actually got called out, which was unnerving for her,but we are called to live publicly for Him, and so it was needed to acknowledge it publicly. I am so thankful for her, and for what God can do with her, and just feel so blessed that she is in my world. Friday will be the one year anniversary of my rebirth, and wow, it seems like forever ago. Just can't imagine what eternity will be like....
I will leave that though for a later post. I need to get to bed.